just a few things i want to keep track of:

rooooney
i’m always afraid that you’re gone awaaaay from me
heart of gold
zero 7 in the waiting line
studio 54
edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros
blackbird- beatles

aquarium

resolutions:

from a crack in the concrete?

Proving nature’s law is wrong it

learned to walk with out having feet.

Funny it seems, but by keeping it’s dreams,

it learned to breathe fresh air.

Long live the rose that grew from concrete

when no one else ever cared.

http://tinypic.com/r/21e5lvk/5

http://tinypic.com/r/bhg0fq/5

i should write more often…i guess my tendency to avoid doing so is a combination of things. first off, my life is busy…just like everyone else, but that shouldn’t be an excuse. secondly, i stopped for a long time because i was lost. i always prided myself on being literate and articulate for my age, but then i got to college and (for a lack of better words) freaked the fuck out. i was thrown into a new situation immersed in way more diverse people than ever before. i lost some self confidence because i realized there were a lot more people out there just as successful and interesting as i thought myself to be. i panicked. i shouldn’t have. it took some time for me to chill out and take a step back and gain perspective. but now i’m good…reeeeal good. i think i’ve figured it out…perhaps temporarily, but i’m good with that too. 

i think the best way to summarize my thoughts on people, myself, and everything else is this:

never underestimate your self worth. we are all unique and beautiful and smart in our own way. (yes, this is exactly what your mother told you) but for real, i wish i wouldn’t have forgot this. of course there are bitches, haters, assholes, burnouts, and just plain bad people, but be careful not to write them off completely…because we all lose our way sometimes. take each day for what it’s worth and take everything with a grain of salt. opposition is not a bad thing. failure isn’t either. use everything…every mistake, every encounter, every moment to make yourself grow into a better, stronger person. most importantly, enjoy yourself. if you don’t, you’re taking life too seriously. save the energy for something good. THE END.

i’ve come to realize over this past year that i’m a pretty damn good person. i used to focus so much on being modest and i spent too much time critiquing and judging myself. i’m done with that. i’ve moved on to loving who i am…i know that won’t change. i’ve met enough people and gone through more than most people can say by the time they’re 40. with that said, i think i’ve made myself who i am, and for that, i can smile. everything i have i’ve earned one way or another…a lot of 19 year olds can’t say that. i think my goal from now on is to help the people i love feel the same way. 

there are a few things i’d like to accomplish this summer…

1. make life better for my mom. as much as she makes things difficult, i love her unconditionally and want her to get out more and enjoy her 50′s. she needs to experience..in every sense of the word. i owe this to her. 

2. help mollie gain some confidence. she’s getting better …but i know who she has inside of her.

3. get in the shape i used to be in. eat healthy, workout harder than ever, and no more drinking myself to ultimate proportions. i want to be the girl with the body everyone else envies. i know, how narcissistic can i get?

4. make some money. work my ass off. plain and simple.

5. be the best long-distance girlfriend ever. write ryan letters, send pictures, little things. he loves all that shit.

6. spend as much time as possible with my grandparents. call them, mail them postcards. make the most of the time they have left and let them know how much i love them.

that is all i’ve got. for now. adios!

http://www.ikea.com/ca/en/catalog/products/90073582

light duvet for bed (full/queen)

http://www.ikea.com/ca/en/catalog/products/50129185

futon

http://www.ikea.com/ca/en/catalog/products/S89817423

yoga mat (tj maxx)

bat-wing hoodie from amer. apparel

http://www.americanapparel.com/rsa0301w.html

jersey pant from AA

http://www.americanapparel.com/2302.html

relaxed pants:

http://www.americanapparel.com/2300.html#i

yoga pants:

http://www.americanapparel.com/8375.html

http://www.americanapparel.com/8300.html

skirts:

http://www.americanapparel.com/rsam303.html

jcrew dress:

http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/dresses/knitdresses/PRDOVR~14982/14982.jsp

jcrew bathing suit:

http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/swim/seeall/PRDOVR~12763/12763.jsp

hat/fedora:

http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Shop_By_Category/accessories/hatsscarves/PRDOVR~13092/13092.jsp

AE dress:

http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?catId=cat1320034&productId=0393_9159

metal necklace:

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=10&startValue=11&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=16194953&parentid=W_ACC_JEWELRY&sortProperties=+product.marketingPriority,-product.startDate&navCount=9&navAction=poppushpush&color=&pushId=W_ACC_JEWELRY&popId=WOMENS_ACCESSORIES&prepushId=

earrings:

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=10&startValue=1&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=16188146&parentid=W_ACC_EARRINGS&sortProperties=+product.marketingPriority,-product.startDate&navCount=75&navAction=poppushpushpush&color=&pushId=W_ACC_EARRINGS&popId=W_ACC_JEWELRY&prepushId=WOMENS_ACCESSORIES

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=10&startValue=1&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=16188047&parentid=W_ACC_EARRINGS&sortProperties=+product.marketingPriority,-product.startDate&navCount=75&navAction=poppushpushpush&color=&pushId=W_ACC_EARRINGS&popId=W_ACC_JEWELRY&prepushId=WOMENS_ACCESSORIES

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=10&startValue=31&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=15981814&parentid=W_ACC_EARRINGS&sortProperties=+product.marketingPriority,-product.startDate&navCount=120&navAction=poppushpushpush&color=&pushId=W_ACC_EARRINGS&popId=W_ACC_JEWELRY&prepushId=WOMENS_ACCESSORIES

sperry’s

http://www.sperrytopsider.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=906&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=150&iSubCat=151&iProductID=906&sColor=452

2. a picture with someone you don’t actually like.

3. a picture of you very drunk.

this crew makes the  picture
4. a picture of you on your birthday, or your favourite holiday.

5. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.

6. a picture of you in one of your favourite outfits.

7. a picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.
(this was hard…NOT)

8. a picture you miiiiiight have edited to make yourself more attractive.

9. a picture of a night you regret…

10. a picture of you truly being yourself.

11. the most recent picture of you.

12. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

13. a picture of you showing off a new haircut/color.

14. a picture of a time in your life that’s over, but you wish it wasn’t.

15. a picture of a time in your life that’s over, and you couldn’t be more thankful that it is.
SO HIDEOUS

16. a picture of you when you were anything but happy.

17. a picture of you that you had no idea was being taken.

18. a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now.

19. a picture of you with someone you love.

20. a picture of how you’d like the world to see you.

21. a picture that describes how you’d like to spend every day.
AT THE BEEEACH

22. a picture of a time when everything was changing.

23. a picture that makes your heart hurt.

24. a picture that makes your heart smile.

25. A picture of one of the best nights of your life. (or days)

seriously.

Allie and I went down to this nice makeup store down by the  lake…I should have known that I was going to get suckered in to buying something. I’ve just recently been addicted to buying really expensive makeup, but now I’m starting to realize why all our mothers don’t own CoverGirl and N.Y.C brand, it’s way more worth t he extra $2o bucks to buy something nice that actually LOOKS good.

Annnnyway, I’ve always wanted to try bareMinerals, and the  lady at the store really reeled me in. I got one of the “fairly light” powders and then the mineral veil that goes over it. It came to $47…but it should last me a while. Next time i’d like to buy one of their nice brushes and probably a blush or something, because this stuff is AMAZING. I’ve used it for a couple days now and it’s even better than what I’ve heard people say. It’s incredibly light on your face, it blends PERFECTLY…no makeup lines…it doesn’t leave residue on clothes or pillows, and the best thing is that you can sleep with it on and not break out the next morning (perfect for really drunk nights when you forget to wash your face). This is the first foundation that’s really helped with my acne (which has got a lot better regardless, but my face seems to be getting even better now). I don’t feel bad wearing it because it’s completely natural, and I can tell my pores are no longer clogged from oily, gross, foundation. EEK. Wow this is starting to sound like one of those success stories.

But really, I reccommend it to anyone…and I had to write about it because i’ve been excited all week that I now have it in my posession. horrray. cheers to bareminerals.

1. i have a fascination/issues with bathroom behavior. i poop more than any girl i’ve ever met…and i have a tendency to pee in public. if you’ve gotta go, just go.

2. from the time i was a baby, up until around 4th grade i sucked on the corner of these blankies that were really cloth diapers. soooo embarrassing.

3. i am a chronic “fuck you” button user on my cell phone… i use it much more than i actually answer calls.

4. most of my friends from home are shocked at the fact that i have a serious boyfriend now. the folsinator has been tamed.

5. i’m a really good whistler

6. although i’ve never taken voice lessons, i can hear a song once and sing it back exactly like it sounds. i can stay in tune/on key.

7. i’ve been trying to learn how to play the guitar on and off now for like 5 years…i don’t think it will ever actually happen. i took lessons in the winter of my senior year and learned a few things…but didn’t stick with it.

8. i have absolutely no clue what i want to do with my life. i went from being very sure of myself, to clueless and freaking out, and now i’m currently just chilling on it.

9. i love new underwear and socks. if i go to a mall, i have a hard time avoiding the “5 for 25″ underwear deal at Victoria’s Secret.

10. speaking of number 9, i have always boycotted thongs and don’t understand why girls like them so much. the point of underwear is to cover up “down there” …the only thing i want to touch my butthole, is toilet paper.

11. i have the most boring middle name known to man kind…marie. it was my mothers and my grandmothers middle name. i will NOT carry on the tradition.

12. i fell off a 10 foot retaining wall into shallow rocky water when i was little and sprained my rib cage. i was pretending to be marry poppins and the wind came and pulled me and my umbrella right off the wall.

13. although i’m somewhat accident prone, i don’t bruise…and i never break any bones. the only major scar i have is on my lip (from the stitches i got after a Germain Sheppard attacked  me)

14. I am deathly afraid of those big furry boots that look like Sasquash’s feet…i can’t be in close proximity of them or i get nauseous.

15. I wear leggings religiously and if I could, I would go on a huge American Apparel spree and wear spandex everyday.

16. I like drinking water while I eat chocolate, I think it tastes amazing. I’ve always been sort of freaked out by milk.

17. I am not close with my biological father, but I am lucky enough to have an amazing father figure in my life who has been a huge support system in more ways than I can think of.

18. I have the tendency to say things without thinking, which causes a lot of people to be surprised when they find out i’m a pretty decent student. I’m very “book” smart but not very “street” smart.

19. everyone that’s close to me thinks my mother and I should have our own reality show. We have the most dysfunctional family life/relationship…but I love her more than anyone in this world.

20. I used to LOVE the smell of gasoline as a child, it drove my mom crazy…and come to think of it, I was probably high off of it many times without knowing.

21. I don’t believe you need religion to be happy…I believe more in being at peace with yourself and everything that surrounds you. I’m often annoyed by people who turn to religion when they mess up. Take responsibility for yourself…take matters into your own hands.

22. I lived with my grandparents (mothers parents) from 4th grade until my sophomore year in high school. They were a huge part of my adolescence and I have a very special relationship with my Pepe.

23. I hate those awkward moments in public bathrooms when you know the person in the next stall over is waiting for you to leave before they come out because they’ve just taken a huge dump.

24. I think beer is best tasting beverage ever. I don’t like drinking it to get drunk, but there’s nothing better than having a Blue Moon with a sub sandwich.

25. No matter how much money I end up making, I will find a way to travel as much as possible. I believe it’s one of the most valuable learning experiences you can put yourself through. The next place I want to go is GREECE.